Letters to Max - A week on, and we're still alive

Dear Max,

We survived a week with you! Nappy change? check. Feeding? check. What has been a constant struggle is the times when you just refuse to take a full feed, or wake up way ahead or schedule, though that we can handle of and on. It’s the gas. You just seem to create gas out of nowhere! To the point where I spent much of last night between feeds trying to rid you of gas.

We started with the new formula, but I wish you could speak or at least tell us what you’re feeling when things go wrong. When we’ve changed your nappy, burped you and fed you not long ago, it’s hard to know what else has got your goat, especially if it’s something serious.

We registered your birth certificate today as well, and you’re a real person! As well making a visit to IKEA to pick up more cloths and other essentials to ensure we don’t have to keep running the washing machine every other day.

It’s so hard. I think the tendency to try and blame you for how out of control i feel my life is doesn’t help either. On the face of it, I know how to deal with you crying most of time. But the times I don’t or take a really long time to do it, or screw up, and then I go “bah, this is why I never wanted to have kids” is just living in a fantasy. And it gets worse on days like today where you just won’t stop crying and your momma and I are sleep deprived.

I don’t think I’ve really accepted reality yet which makes it hard. It’s just hard every time I have to leave your momma to get some sleep so I can actually be awake enough to tend to you at night.

I’m trying Max, but it’s just so hard. I don’t know how people do this.